bleah

I've been writing a lot recently, probably because I'm finishing up the beta release of my project, which means I have lots of things to do that I've been putting off because they're tedious or otherwise annoying. There's nothing like procrastinating from one task to make you accomplish something else.

I was talking to someone the other day how it seems like days go by faster now. When I was a kid, my parents used to say that, but I never really got it. I think it has something to do with not having school (vacations do a good job of breaking up the year) but it also has to do with having more abstract goals. When you're trying to get a degree, your milestones are exams and problem sets and semesters. When you're trying to just do good, interesting work at your job, you don't notice days and weeks slipping away.

On a slightly related note, sometimes I worry that I'm losing touch with people that I used to know and hang out with. I feel like I must be doing something wrong; I used to see these guys every day, and we'd eat dinner and chill and crack stupid jokes and go out for movies and talk about politics and religion and art and music and gadgets and human nature. Now, I see them maybe ten times a year, and a lot of times its in these big party-type group settings where you don't really get to talk about anything interesting anyway, since you don't know anything about each other's lives. Maybe some people can have good conversations at a party or at a bar, but I manage it best at 4am in the morning while taking a break from finishing some life/time-sucking project. I don't have many of those moments anymore...maybe I really should think about going back to school. Having felt this rush of horror just now while saying (typing?) that, I'll go ahead and take it back.

So what am I doing wrong? It's not like I'm lazy and sit at home all day surfing the web and watching TV. I play league sports. I'm taking Chinese class. I vacation in interesting and beautiful foreign countries. I go shopping with my girl friends. I hole up on Sunday watching football with the guys. I go to poker night, and movie night, and whatever other nights those crazy young'uns come up with every week. I sometimes think if I moved to San Francisco I'd have more of the life I want to live, but I'm pretty sure that's not true, either. And, the thing is, it's not as if I'm unhappy. I do lots of fun things, I hang out with cool people, I have a nice place, and an interesting job, and great co-workers...I guess I just have a vague inkling of missed opportunity. In the back of my head, I'm wondering: are these supposed to be the best years of my life? Am I missing out on something?